Steven grew up terrified of Santa. Each Christmas Eve, while other children were unable to sleep with excitement, Steven prepared his room like a medieval castle awaiting a siege. After his door was shut tight, he sealed the crack along the bottom with a rolled up towel. Then, he piled pillows and stuffed animals into a barricade. Before anyone could get near him, they would have to get through, Doggy, Banky, Wampus and a dozen other toys standing guard.
There are plenty of good reasons to fear Santa. His height and weight change frequently. As does his age and the length of his beard. At times, he can be seen stumbling drunk through the street. Other times, he is beckoning you to sit in his lap. To a child, this can be difficult to understand. It’s as though Santa is deliberately trying to sow confusion like Saddam Hussein used to do with his dozens of look-alike bodyguards. But none of these well-grounded reasons explains why Steven spent each Christmas behind makeshift fortifications.
There are plenty of good reasons to fear Santa. His height and weight change frequently. As does his age and the length of his beard. At times, he can be seen stumbling drunk through the street. Other times, he is beckoning you to sit in his lap. To a child, this can be difficult to understand. It’s as though Santa is deliberately trying to sow confusion like Saddam Hussein used to do with his dozens of look-alike bodyguards. But none of these well-grounded reasons explains why Steven spent each Christmas behind makeshift fortifications.
Steven did not grow up Christian. Like so many Jewish, Muslim and Hindu kids, he understood that Santa would not bring him gifts. It never occurred to him, however, that this meant Santa would skip his house altogether. Steven assumed that Santa would still drop by. Since Santa would not come bearing gifts, his visit must hold some other purpose. Without ever knowing the exact nature of that purpose, Steven felt fully justified locking himself in his room and putting his favorite stuffed toys, Doggy, Banky and Wampus, on overnight patrol.
Through all of the years that Steven slept behind his Christmas defenses—and even he can’t remember how many years that was—Santa never once breached the threshold. Again, it never even occurred to Steven that his success might be due to the fact that Santa never tried to break in. Steven instead attributed his victories to the strength of his barricade and the brilliance of the rolled up towel.
“If Santa can fit down a chimney,” Steven reasoned, “he can get through the crack under a bedroom door.”
These days, Wampus lives in a closet because Andrea finds him creepy. Steven knows he still guards the house.
From all of us at Drink Your Carbs have a merry, scary Christmas and a fabulous New Year.
Through all of the years that Steven slept behind his Christmas defenses—and even he can’t remember how many years that was—Santa never once breached the threshold. Again, it never even occurred to Steven that his success might be due to the fact that Santa never tried to break in. Steven instead attributed his victories to the strength of his barricade and the brilliance of the rolled up towel.
“If Santa can fit down a chimney,” Steven reasoned, “he can get through the crack under a bedroom door.”
These days, Wampus lives in a closet because Andrea finds him creepy. Steven knows he still guards the house.
From all of us at Drink Your Carbs have a merry, scary Christmas and a fabulous New Year.
