Our original plan for this week was to hop on the Hipster Express and review well-known diets for their compatibility with the zombie lifestyle. This sounded more fun that it turned out to be. The problem is that zombies are mono-foodists. They consume the flesh of the living and, like the French, particularly enjoy the delicacy of brains. Neither sweets nor grains hold any interest for them. Zombies appear have the same aversion to fruits and vegetables that vegans have to the traditional zombie diet.
A dreary list of diets that allow organ meats is probably enough to headline the humor section of the Huffington Post, but we have higher standards.
A dreary list of diets that allow organ meats is probably enough to headline the humor section of the Huffington Post, but we have higher standards.
Years ago, we knew a woman who was a mono-foodist. She would pick a single food and stick to it for months at a time. Her shifts were as unpredictable as they were instantaneous. Once she moved on, she never went back. There were four unopened boxes of Cheerios in her cupboard serving as constant reminders of the day she decided she would sooner die than eat them again. While her diet illustrates the human body’s remarkable ability to adapt to extreme conditions, there’s no avoiding the fact that the diet of a mono-foodist isn’t very exciting.
We’re Reasonably Certain That Zombies Don’t Hydrate, But Just In Case: The drink known as The Zombie is most certainly not on DYC. It violates the No Mixers Rule in no less than three ways: simple syrup, fruit juice and apricot brandy. To put this is terms the undead will appreciate: you could instead drink the rum as a straight shot and still have enough calories left over for a full pound of delicious brains.
We will not be celebrating Halloween by drinking a Zombie. Nor will we be tossing back even a single shot of rum. For reasons we have since begun to question, we are instead promoting a 30-day Nightmare Mode Challenge. To the uninitiated, this probably sounds like spooky Halloween fun. Those who know DYC recognize that it’s anything but.
Nightmare Mode is the only time on DYC that you are not allowed to drink. We have argued that Nightmare Mode barely qualifies as DYC. It’s like observing Meatless Monday while on the Atkins diet. It’s an across-the-board revision so extreme that it’s arguable you are no longer on the diet at all.
In the past, we’ve always used Nightmare Mode for self-flagellation. Occasionally, our inner Charlie Sheen gets the best of us and we trash our diets like a Vegas hotel room. We either skip our workout the next day or we roll into the gym feeling like Trump looked in the first presidential debate. Exercise is a required part of DYC. The moment a night out partying interferes with our ability to exercise we cut our drinking way back. In severe cases, we dial our drinking all the way down to zero.
In the past, we’ve always used Nightmare Mode for self-flagellation. Occasionally, our inner Charlie Sheen gets the best of us and we trash our diets like a Vegas hotel room. We either skip our workout the next day or we roll into the gym feeling like Trump looked in the first presidential debate. Exercise is a required part of DYC. The moment a night out partying interferes with our ability to exercise we cut our drinking way back. In severe cases, we dial our drinking all the way down to zero.
Fact: The exercise requirement turns the DYC into a self-correcting system. If you can’t get out of bed for a morning workout it’s time to readjust your lifestyle.
This, of course, assumes a serious exercise routine that actually elevates your heart rate and burns real calories. We cover this in detail in Basic Exercise.
A 30-days Nightmare Mode Challenge is different. It's not about punishment. It's about curiosity. How will you feel? How would it affect your sleep, your workouts and your overall energy levels?
We did this a few years ago and found no effect at all. Our 30 days in Nightmare Mode was completely overrated. Our sleep patterns did not change. We felt no more energetic in our workouts than we did while drinking. If anything, the biggest change we noticed was being permanently hungry. This most likely has nothing to do with not drinking and everything to do with the fact that Nightmare Mode shares the Austerity Mode Food List.
The difference between Austerity and Basic DYC is not huge. Austerity eliminates all of the foods that are limited on Basic. Grains, such as brown rice and quinoa are purged. As are alternative baking flours (bean, almond flours and the like) and sweetened meats such as ham, bacon and other deli meats cured with sugars. All other fish, eggs and meat are still unlimited. All fruits and vegetables are similarly fair game. There is no shortage of healthy foods available in Austerity Mode. Yet, these seemingly trivial differences have an enormous impact.
In Austerity, we are permanently hungry. We eat. Twenty minutes later we’re desperate for a snack. As children we read The Very Hungry Caterpillar but only after a week in Austerity can we fully relate to his manic food issues. Apparently those small numbers of carbs we allow into our normal diet have a far larger impact on our appetites than we could’ve imagined.
Full disclosure: we are only promoting a 30-day Nightmare Mode Challenge because we thought it's be funny for Halloween. We don’t actually recommend it. Perhaps if you have a month to lean down for a beach vacation or wedding. Nightmare Mode is a great way to lose weight fast. Otherwise, the whole point of DYC is that if you eat well and exercise you can reward yourself with a drink at the end of the day. Take that away and most of the joy of this diet goes with it.
We did this a few years ago and found no effect at all. Our 30 days in Nightmare Mode was completely overrated. Our sleep patterns did not change. We felt no more energetic in our workouts than we did while drinking. If anything, the biggest change we noticed was being permanently hungry. This most likely has nothing to do with not drinking and everything to do with the fact that Nightmare Mode shares the Austerity Mode Food List.
The difference between Austerity and Basic DYC is not huge. Austerity eliminates all of the foods that are limited on Basic. Grains, such as brown rice and quinoa are purged. As are alternative baking flours (bean, almond flours and the like) and sweetened meats such as ham, bacon and other deli meats cured with sugars. All other fish, eggs and meat are still unlimited. All fruits and vegetables are similarly fair game. There is no shortage of healthy foods available in Austerity Mode. Yet, these seemingly trivial differences have an enormous impact.
In Austerity, we are permanently hungry. We eat. Twenty minutes later we’re desperate for a snack. As children we read The Very Hungry Caterpillar but only after a week in Austerity can we fully relate to his manic food issues. Apparently those small numbers of carbs we allow into our normal diet have a far larger impact on our appetites than we could’ve imagined.
Full disclosure: we are only promoting a 30-day Nightmare Mode Challenge because we thought it's be funny for Halloween. We don’t actually recommend it. Perhaps if you have a month to lean down for a beach vacation or wedding. Nightmare Mode is a great way to lose weight fast. Otherwise, the whole point of DYC is that if you eat well and exercise you can reward yourself with a drink at the end of the day. Take that away and most of the joy of this diet goes with it.
Fact: The zombie diet is even leaner than Austerity Mode. We’re eating a ton of healthy carbs in the form of fresh fruit and vegetables. By contrast, zombies are pure carnivores who consume virtually no carbohydrates at all. If we’re hungry all the time, they must be ravenous. In this context, stumbling down a street groaning “Braaaaains!” not only makes sense, it’s sympathetic.
