The end of the world is not upon us. We are shocked by how many people we know expect an apocalyptic event in 2012. The predictions range from solar flares frying half the earth’s population to the non-existent planet Nibiru smashing into the earth and reducing it to a smoldering lump. It’s true that the Mayan calendar ends December of 2012, but so what? Every calendar we’ve ever owned ended at the close of the year. For example, the very first calendar Steven owned was a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders calendar that he got from his Texan grandfather in 1978. It ended abruptly on December 31st, 1978 with the calendar’s only brunette. Yet 1979 came along just like every year before it.
We’re shocked that anyone is thinking this way after we all got burned by Y2K fear mongering in the year 2000. If you recall, computers were scheduled to kill us all at the stroke of midnight. It wasn’t even a dramatic Terminator-style death; it was supposed to be a long, boring process in which computers, confused by the date, suffocated us slowly by refusing to open the pod bay doors. It sounds ridiculous in retrospect, but rural areas were overrun with people living “off the grid,” hording ammunition and beef jerky. The world ticked on and used jerky prices went into free fall.
Coincidentally, the year 2000 was the Chinese Year of the Dragon. On January 23rd we officially enter Year of the Dragon once again. Since we appear to be unable to learn from past mistakes, people are once again predicting the end is nigh. Mark our works: the Dragon has a tendency to disappoint the apocalyptic.
Unlike our more paranoid friends, we are looking forward to the Year of the Dragon. It may be sacrilegious to admit this: the Chinese New Year is our favorite New Year. We simply prefer dragon floats and firecrackers to a delayed broadcast of a ceremony dedicated to a light fixture in Time Square. We also like the fact that the Chinese New Year is traditionally greeted by gifting red underwear. That’s so much sexier than the Western tradition of overpaying for a mediocre prefix dinner.
In an attempt to share our enthusiasm for the Dragon, we are encouraging all of our friends to stop worrying about catastrophes that aren’t going to happen. Seriously people, fretting over the “doom planet” Nibiru will be awkward to explain come 2013. Consider instead embracing the Chinese New Year as an opportunity to take a proactive step toward a healthier, leaner self. A Year of the Dragon New Year’s resolution is the perfect way to begin.
Coincidentally, the year 2000 was the Chinese Year of the Dragon. On January 23rd we officially enter Year of the Dragon once again. Since we appear to be unable to learn from past mistakes, people are once again predicting the end is nigh. Mark our works: the Dragon has a tendency to disappoint the apocalyptic.
Unlike our more paranoid friends, we are looking forward to the Year of the Dragon. It may be sacrilegious to admit this: the Chinese New Year is our favorite New Year. We simply prefer dragon floats and firecrackers to a delayed broadcast of a ceremony dedicated to a light fixture in Time Square. We also like the fact that the Chinese New Year is traditionally greeted by gifting red underwear. That’s so much sexier than the Western tradition of overpaying for a mediocre prefix dinner.
In an attempt to share our enthusiasm for the Dragon, we are encouraging all of our friends to stop worrying about catastrophes that aren’t going to happen. Seriously people, fretting over the “doom planet” Nibiru will be awkward to explain come 2013. Consider instead embracing the Chinese New Year as an opportunity to take a proactive step toward a healthier, leaner self. A Year of the Dragon New Year’s resolution is the perfect way to begin.
Fact: If you’ve already begun hoarding jerky, it will hearten you to know that it’s allowed under the DYC Food List.
