We are not to be trusted. We will lie to you. We will tell you that your outfit matches if we think you are too fragile to hear otherwise. We will tell you how much we enjoyed dinner with your new boyfriend. If we are performing a card trick, we will look you square in the eye and tell you that your card is “lost in the deck,” even though we know exactly where to find it.
We will not, however, lie to you when it matters. You will never hear us say, “You’re guaranteed to double your money” or “To us, that lump looks harmless.” Nor will we try to convince you that cocktails are just as enjoyable under the No Mixer rule. The sad truth is that most cocktails are now off limits.
We will not, however, lie to you when it matters. You will never hear us say, “You’re guaranteed to double your money” or “To us, that lump looks harmless.” Nor will we try to convince you that cocktails are just as enjoyable under the No Mixer rule. The sad truth is that most cocktails are now off limits.
We have visited nearly all of the famous cocktail lounges in San Francisco. We have stood in line for an hour for a single drink. We have memorized a password in order to be allowed admittance into a back room “speakeasy.” In Argentina, we visited a bar that had to be entered through a florist’s walk-in refrigerator. All of this research has reinforced our belief that modern cocktail culture is primarily peddling sugar.
This is not a new problem. We own reproductions of cocktail books dating back to 1882. Nearly every drink listed is sweet enough to be used in a hummingbird feeder.
This is not a new problem. We own reproductions of cocktail books dating back to 1882. Nearly every drink listed is sweet enough to be used in a hummingbird feeder.
Fact: The No Mixer Rule requires avoiding all added sugar, sweet wines, sweet liquors, pre-made mixers, artificial sweeteners and any more than a small splash of fresh-squeezed juice.
As a result, we estimate that no more than five percent of recognized cocktails are acceptable on the Drink Your Carbs plan.
If you want to enjoy cocktails, you will, by necessity, have to forge a new trail. Experimentation is not without risk, but there are rewards. Some of the drinks you invent will rival the old classics. You will pour some of your creations down the sink. It will not be easy. It will not be cheap. On the bright side, you will still enjoy cocktails without trashing your diet.
To get you started, we created the Drink Your Carbs Cocktail Slot Machine.
Choose one item from each column. Add ice (optional) and take a sip. You will occasionally hit a jackpot. More often then not, you will be left with an empty feeling inside and 25 cents poorer. Just like in a real casino.
If you want to enjoy cocktails, you will, by necessity, have to forge a new trail. Experimentation is not without risk, but there are rewards. Some of the drinks you invent will rival the old classics. You will pour some of your creations down the sink. It will not be easy. It will not be cheap. On the bright side, you will still enjoy cocktails without trashing your diet.
To get you started, we created the Drink Your Carbs Cocktail Slot Machine.
Choose one item from each column. Add ice (optional) and take a sip. You will occasionally hit a jackpot. More often then not, you will be left with an empty feeling inside and 25 cents poorer. Just like in a real casino.
The Drink Your Carbs Cocktail Slot Machine
| Liquor - About 1-1.5 oz. Vodka Tequila Gin Whisky Scotch Grappa Sake Calvados Brandy Amaro Armagnac Other unsweetened alcohols | Squeeze/Splash/Muddle Lime Lemon Orange Raspberries Blueberries Mint Rosemary Lavender Bitters Pomegranate seeds Other fresh fruit Basil | Finish With - 2-3 oz. Soda water Unsweetened seltzer Coffee Unsweetened tea |
A few examples of successful pulls on the one-armed cocktail bandit:
Whisky
Orange juice
Soda water
Ice
Gin
Lavender (muddled)
Lemon juice
Soda water
Ice
Strain (serve up)
Vodka
Lime juice
Unsweetened tea
Ice
Calvados
(We skipped column two for this cocktail)
Coffee
No ice
