We just returned from a trip to the East Coast. We visited friends in New London, New Hampshire. Then we attended a wedding on Cape Cod. The trip was fabulous. The weather was mostly sunny and warm. The wedding took place on a beautiful stretch of beach, no one was pregnant and both the bride and groom looked happy to be there. The trip was a success in every way but one.
We won’t candy coat this. From a dietary perspective, we cheated more often in the past week than we did in the previous three months combined. This dietary lapse, however, did not come as a surprise. We knew that would fall off our diet and exercise routine even before we purchased our tickets. When it comes to divining the future, Uri Geller and Sylvia Brown can only dream of such certainty.
Our not-so-psychic premonition left us with two choices. We could act surprised when our diets faltered and return home to a week of self-loathing and Nightmare Mode. Or, we could plan ahead and perform the DYC equivalent to the Polio Booster. We opted for immunization.
We won’t candy coat this. From a dietary perspective, we cheated more often in the past week than we did in the previous three months combined. This dietary lapse, however, did not come as a surprise. We knew that would fall off our diet and exercise routine even before we purchased our tickets. When it comes to divining the future, Uri Geller and Sylvia Brown can only dream of such certainty.
Our not-so-psychic premonition left us with two choices. We could act surprised when our diets faltered and return home to a week of self-loathing and Nightmare Mode. Or, we could plan ahead and perform the DYC equivalent to the Polio Booster. We opted for immunization.
The notion that it’s possible to inoculate yourself in advance of cheating on your diet is by far our most revolutionary idea. We are shocked not to have come across it before. The idea is so blindingly obvious that we fully expect a major diet steal it and claim as their own invention. It’s a matter of time until we read the headline and think, like David Bowie hearing Ice Ice Baby for the first time, “That sounds really familiar.”
But before we get into how we prepared ourselves in advance of our blowout, we want to share a few thoughts about the blowout itself. Like most adherents to DYC, we eat a very lean diet. We live largely on meat, vegetables and fresh fruit. We consume shockingly few grains or starches and virtually no added sugar. Lunch always includes a salad. It’s rare that dinner involves fewer than two side vegetables. The best way to understand our typical meal is to picture the “vegan sampler plate” at a health food restaurant and then imagine slicing steak over the top of it.
Our diet is easy to maintain at home. We control our food purchases and we don’t buy non-DYC foods. The restaurants we frequent have no problem swapping out mashed potatoes for a side of veggies. At home, we find it easier to stay on our diet than it is to cheat. When we travel, however, we find ourselves consuming all kinds of foods we would never normally touch. Often, the only choices available on the road are heavily processed, with ingredient lists that read like a checklist of all the simple starches and sweeteners that DYC insists we avoid.
But before we get into how we prepared ourselves in advance of our blowout, we want to share a few thoughts about the blowout itself. Like most adherents to DYC, we eat a very lean diet. We live largely on meat, vegetables and fresh fruit. We consume shockingly few grains or starches and virtually no added sugar. Lunch always includes a salad. It’s rare that dinner involves fewer than two side vegetables. The best way to understand our typical meal is to picture the “vegan sampler plate” at a health food restaurant and then imagine slicing steak over the top of it.
Our diet is easy to maintain at home. We control our food purchases and we don’t buy non-DYC foods. The restaurants we frequent have no problem swapping out mashed potatoes for a side of veggies. At home, we find it easier to stay on our diet than it is to cheat. When we travel, however, we find ourselves consuming all kinds of foods we would never normally touch. Often, the only choices available on the road are heavily processed, with ingredient lists that read like a checklist of all the simple starches and sweeteners that DYC insists we avoid.
Fact: We usually travel with a cache of dried fruit, nuts and unsweetened food bars. In the case of our most recent trip, our stash was cleaned out on the first day by a pair of very determined dachshunds. It was the kind of raid any military unit would be proud of. It was quick. It was stealthy. They would’ve gotten away clean if not for the fact that for they passed evidence for days in the form of chewed bits of Lara Bar wrapper.
We really should’ve hit the grocery store to restock. But we were busy vacationing. Instead, we did exactly what we advise others never to do. When we found ourselves hungry we would swing by the nearest convenience store or gas station to see what snacks they carried. We avoided the worst offenders, but invariably the options were far less healthy than if we had carried our own supplies.
Chips and other junk food were not our only downfall. We stayed in a bed and breakfast on the Cape, and spent our time there engaged in a different category of cheating. We cheated out of politeness. Every single morning the innkeeper baked us gluten free and dairy free baked goods. As we’ve mentioned, Andrea is allergic to wheat and Steven is allergic to dairy. It was one of the nicest gestures we have received in years. We were greeted at each breakfast by a platter of cakes, muffins and pastries baked to meet our dietary restrictions.
Chips and other junk food were not our only downfall. We stayed in a bed and breakfast on the Cape, and spent our time there engaged in a different category of cheating. We cheated out of politeness. Every single morning the innkeeper baked us gluten free and dairy free baked goods. As we’ve mentioned, Andrea is allergic to wheat and Steven is allergic to dairy. It was one of the nicest gestures we have received in years. We were greeted at each breakfast by a platter of cakes, muffins and pastries baked to meet our dietary restrictions.
- Fact: We don’t avoid baked goods for some philosophical reason. Nor are we trying to torture ourselves like medieval monks or modern S&M enthusiasts. We avoid these things because they are obscenely high in calories. We simply cannot afford those calories if we also want to continue drinking.
Since it’s impossible to know exactly how many calories were in all of those homemade baked goods, we’ll offer an example that is similar, but far more measurable. A single “reduced fat” blueberry muffin from Dunkin’ Donuts dials in at 450 calories. To put this in DYC terms, a full bottle of wine, depending on the variety and alcohol content, contains between 500 and 550 calories. Or, if you prefer, that muffin contains more calories than two pints of Guinness. Anyone who claims that it’s okay to have a “low fat” muffin but that alcohol is diet buster has never done the math.
We really did eat our cakes and muffins out of appreciation for the innkeeper’s kindness. Sweets have never been our vice. If we are going to blow our diet, we will always choose a plate of French fries over dessert. We simply prefer salted and fried to sugary sweet. Obviously, these days we choose a glass of wine over either. But nonetheless, we have always preferred savory to sweet. Our favorite cheat of the trip was a huge bowl of pho at Pho Pastuer in Boston. If you have not experienced pho, it is a Vietnamese clear-broth soup swimming with rice noodles, beansprouts and spooky bits of thinly sliced beef. If we’re going to cheat on our diets, this is the way we like to do so.
Fact: A large bowl of pho contains around two and a half cups of white rice noodles. This is roughly equivalent in calories to the “reduced fat” muffin. This explains why white rice, including rice noodles, is to be avoided on DYC.
In the end, the trip went exactly according to plan. We only exercised a couple of times. We ate and drank like we were preparing for the end of the world. Or, if you prefer, like a couple of dachshunds set loose in a 7-11. The question is, how were we able to do this and still feel good about ourselves afterward? The answer, as we have already alluded to, rests in the fact that we prepared in advance.
For two full weeks before we left on the trip, we went into Austerity Mode. If you do not already know DYC, Austerity Mode is a more restrictive version of the diet that further cuts both carbs and calories. We used Austerity Mode to build up a calorie deficit in advance of actual cheating. This way, by the time we stepped onto the plane, we’d already earned our dietary lapse and could enjoy ourselves with relative impunity.
For two full weeks before we left on the trip, we went into Austerity Mode. If you do not already know DYC, Austerity Mode is a more restrictive version of the diet that further cuts both carbs and calories. We used Austerity Mode to build up a calorie deficit in advance of actual cheating. This way, by the time we stepped onto the plane, we’d already earned our dietary lapse and could enjoy ourselves with relative impunity.
Fact: Guilt and self-loathing burn shockingly few calories. You are far better off preparing in advance than beating yourselves up after dietary failures. Austerity Mode is not fun or easy, but it’s a small price to pay.
Any scheduled event or trip that is likely to kill your diet can be prepared for in the same manner. For example, we can say with absolute certainty that Thanksgiving with Steve’s family will be a diet buster. Aside from the turkey, nothing else on the table will comply with the Food List. Rather than avoid all of these treats, we’ll simply spend a couple of days in Austerity Mode beforehand. No guilt. No starving ourselves in penance afterward. We’ll enjoy our dinner and then go back to Basic DYC as though nothing happened.
Deciding how long to spend in Austerity Mode is more of an art than a science. We like to err on the side of over-preparing. As we mentioned, before our trip back East we spent nearly two weeks in Austerity. A single holiday dinner can be prepared for in a couple of days. Our basic rule is two days of Austerity for every day of cheating. Feel free to change the ratio as you become more comfortable with the concept of advanced preparation, but 2:1 is a good place to start.
Deciding how long to spend in Austerity Mode is more of an art than a science. We like to err on the side of over-preparing. As we mentioned, before our trip back East we spent nearly two weeks in Austerity. A single holiday dinner can be prepared for in a couple of days. Our basic rule is two days of Austerity for every day of cheating. Feel free to change the ratio as you become more comfortable with the concept of advanced preparation, but 2:1 is a good place to start.
Fact: Two weeks in Austerity Mode might not have been enough if not for the fact that during the New Hampshire portion of the trip we stayed with friends and cooked dinners which were very much DYC compliant. We grilled steaks. We boiled corn from a local farm. We even made fresh salsa with tomatoes and jalapenos picked from our friend’s garden. Every dinner included a huge mixed-greens salad. And in a final nod to the glory of DYC, our wine and beer consumption was roughly equivalent to that of a small nightclub.
Cheating is great, especially if you’ve prepared in advance. But DYC does require balance. Unless you want to spend a month or more in Austerity Mode before you head off on vacation, try to keep a balance between DYC and non-DYC meals. Or, if you prefer, try not to let your inner dachshund run completely wild.
